Amy Schumer posts ‘thirst trap’ after she used weight loss drugs ‘to survive’

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Phoebe Tonks

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Amy Schumer and her husband Chris Fischer have officially announced the end of their 7-year marriage.

The pair first began dating in 2017, tied the knot in 2018, and welcomed a son, Gene, the following year. Schumer, 44, shared the news on Friday (December 12), when she took to Instagram to confirm the split.

Sharing a photo of herself and Fischer, 45, on the New York City subway, with the Trainwreck star seen holding a dog, as the comedian wrote: “Blah blah blah Chris and I have made the difficult decision to end our marriage after 7 years.”

“We love each other very much and will continue to focus on raising our son. We would appreciate people respecting our privacy at this time.”

While the statement could’ve been cut short there, Schumer continued with her trademark wit.

Amy Schumer announced her and Chris Fischer's separation on her Instagram (ANGELA WEISS/AFP via Getty Images)

Amy Schumer announced her and Chris Fischer’s separation on her Instagram (ANGELA WEISS/AFP via Getty Images)

She added: “blah blah blah not becisse I dropped some lbs and thought I could bag s basket and not because he’s a hot Janlmes beard award winning chef who can still pull some hot tail.”

She then concluded: “Amicable and all love and respect! Family forever.”

Throughout their relationship, Schumer has always been candid, often sharing glimpses into her private life with fans, including when she dished on their sex life last year.

However, in recent weeks, fans speculated that trouble could be brewing for the loved-up pair, something Schumer herself appeared to address when she wrote a message on Instagram alongside a picture of New York City and praised Hulu’s divorce-lawyer series All’s Fair before quipping: “And Chris and I are still married.”

At the start of December, Schumer spoke on the speculation directly as she shared a post about her recent weight loss journey, which included mentions of her relationship.

The couple will now separate but continue to co-parent their son ( @amyschumer/Instagram)

The couple will now separate but continue to co-parent their son ( @amyschumer/Instagram)

She told her followers: “Whatever ends up happening with me and Chris has nothing to do with weight loss or autism.”

“Fingers crossed we make it through,” she continued at the time. “He’s the best.”

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I MARRIED MY CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART IN HIS HOSPITAL ROOM AFTER DOCTORS SAID HE HAD ONLY MONTHS TO LIVE—RIGHT AFTER WE SAID “I DO,” A NURSE WHISPERED, “BEFORE YOU LEAVE… LOOK UNDER HIS MATTRESS.” I met Ben when we were eight. He was the boy who carried my backpack when it was too heavy and slipped the biggest cookie onto my lunch tray when he thought I wasn’t looking. By sixteen, everyone joked we’d end up together. They were right. Two months before our wedding, Ben collapsed at work. The diagnosis shattered everything. An aggressive cancer. Too advanced. Too late. The doctors quietly told us he probably had only a few months left. I looked at the wedding invitations we’d already mailed and thought, None of this matters anymore. So we canceled everything. No ballroom. No flowers. No first dance. Instead, a hospital chaplain married us in Ben’s room. I wore blue jeans, a white shirt, and a cheap veil one of the nurses found during her lunch break. Ben insisted on wearing the ridiculous black bow tie I’d bought for our original wedding. It looked absurd with his hospital pajamas. He said, “A groom has standards.” Everyone cried. Even the nurses. After the ceremony, Ben squeezed my hand. “Best day of my life.” I truly believed it was mine too. Then a nurse caught me alone in the hallway. She checked that Ben couldn’t hear us. “Don’t tell him I told you this.” My heart stopped. She leaned closer. “Before you leave tonight…” “Look under his mattress. He’s lying to you. He and his doctor have A PLAN.” “He doesn’t know I’ve seen it.” Then she disappeared. I returned to my husband’s room, smiling like nothing had happened. But all I could think about… was what he’d hidden beneath his hospital bed. I waited until Ben shuffled toward the bathroom with his IV pole. The second the door clicked shut… I carefully lifted the mattress. What I saw there made my knees buckle. If you want to read the full story, type OK in the comments below. Then tap “view all comments” and check my first comment for the full story.

“My husband sent me a message from Cancun: “I left with your best friend. We’re not coming back.” I replied with only two words. “Good luck.” Then I canceled every card connected to my accounts and arranged for every lock on the house to be replaced. The following morning, two police officers appeared at my door. My pulse barely changed when I saw the pending transactions from Cancun. Thousands of dollars were disappearing from my accounts, paying for my husband’s luxury vacation with the woman I had once trusted more than anyone else in the world. I did not panic. Instead, my heartbeat settled into a slow, controlled rhythm. By the age of fifty, I had learned something important about myself. Whenever the emotion vanished and absolute clarity took its place, the decisions I made were permanent. I picked up my phone and called the twenty-four-hour service number printed on the back of my premium credit card. “Good morning. Premium member services,” a cheerful woman answered, her bright tone strangely out of place in the darkness of my bedroom. “I need you to cancel every additional card connected to my account immediately,” I said calmly. “Of course, ma’am. May I ask why?” “The people carrying those cards no longer have permission to spend my money.” Within minutes, every card in their wallets had become nothing more than useless plastic. But stopping the spending was only the first step. They no longer had access to my accounts. Now I needed to make sure they could not return home, unlock the door, and continue living here as though nothing had happened. I searched for an emergency locksmith willing to come out in the middle of the night. About an hour later, an exhausted-looking older man arrived on my porch carrying a heavy drill case. “You want every lock changed tonight?” he asked, studying my face. “Is everything okay?” “No,” I answered honestly. “But it will be.” He seemed to understand that I did not want to explain further. For the next two hours, the sharp sound of his drill cut through the quiet neighborhood. One by one, the old brass cylinders dropped into a metal bucket. One by one, newly cut keys were placed in my hand. “Would you like a few extra copies?” he asked, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “No,” I replied. “After tonight, I’ll be much more careful about who gets a key.” Strangely, I slept better than I had in months. The house felt protected. Sealed. Mine again. But that sense of safety did not last long. At exactly 7:18 the next morning, a heavy pounding rattled my newly secured front door. It was not a polite knock. It was the kind of pounding made by someone who expected the door to open immediately. For a moment, I wondered whether my husband had already discovered that the cards were useless. Had his perfect Cancun escape fallen apart before breakfast? I tightened the belt of my robe and crossed the foyer, preparing myself for whatever confrontation waited outside. Then I looked through the peephole. The people standing on my porch were not my cheating husband. They were not the woman who had betrayed me. They were two police officers… 👉 Continued in the comments.”

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