Part V: The Wife Who Wasn’t
People ask if I miss her.
They mean the version of Sarah who rubbed my shoulders when I had migraines, remembered my sister’s birthday, fell asleep with her hand on my chest, talked about future vacations and paint colors and retirement.
I don’t know what to do with that question.
You can only miss something that was real.
What I had was a performance built with enough detail to pass as intimacy.
That’s what stayed with me after the arrests. Not the money. Not even the crime. The intimacy.
I had given her everything people are supposed to give a spouse. Fears. Family history. Habits. Shame. Hope. Small private jokes. Boring trust. The texture of a real life.
She used all of it to make the performance better.
That was the violation.
The rest was paperwork.